What kind of person have i become? Since when has this 'facade' evolved and become ingrained into my personality? Perhaps shadow is right, i have slowly began to lose myself in the process. And i can't change back to my old self. There were some good things about the old me that i'm starting to lose. Feelings that i never know i have emerged. i start to get agitated easily, i get angry at things, most of all, i'm angry at myself. For feeling this way. Negative emotions start bubbling and threaten to overflow from my mind.

i've got to learn to be more patient. To be more caring and understanding of other people. To be streetsmart. To know what to say at the right time. Dad always says, "to be a good leader you must be a good follower." i think i've always been a very good follower. How about learning to be a good leader now, for a change? There are so many things about myself that i would like to change. Somehow i feel that it's a bit too late. Time is running out. There are so many things to learn, and to change. And this is a learning path that i must take, alone. Even as i stumble, even as the pebbles of obstacles scrape and lacerate my feet. i am ready.